Saintly Journal

the love and life of saintly

Standing to loose all


Hi there, the time has come, shouted the harbinger of the doom, well, of sorts. I am working here since 8 months. Got good at this job, just like with any stuff I do. I have conducted interviews, got good guys around in the team, kept the integral unity of the team and I was there to solve problems (technical in nature) when ever they arose and there were many problems. We solved them, with true grit, perseverance and intelligence. As time marches on, our team got better and better at what we do. We managed a good impression, good workforce, good team kudos over all. And we do academic journals on the internet. When they hired me, I did not have any working experience in XML or XSLT. Being a problem solver, learnt all of it in the run time. Soon, they made me a team lead. But now, the days are not so interesting, the intellectual challenge is reduced to a minimal level. It is now, a shop floor, a servicing center. But that is fine, I am being paid (decently).

After the love for Him, happened, I found myself crossing my manager. Now I do not even talk to him, entertain him, yes boss him around. And that hurts his ego. So far it was necessity and talent that kept me here. We do have problems, that take time to solve, that need some creative troubleshooting, think on the spot, think laterally situations, the fire fighting scenes and I excel at both. Now all the guys are pretty good, at more or less everything. So now, the necessity part is over.

Previously I worked under congress guys. They to start with, have got a very bad impression on me. I meticulously, patiently and diligently turned my impression around. They saw that I am a good worker, and they respect me for that. And I respect them for that. It is very amazing to see, individuals, in these cruel times, recognizing the merit and acknowledging it. That being a merit in itself, I give my respect to the congress guys. Here, my manager is from the party I once belonged to. Yes, BJP. Well actually, I since a long time, have been closer to SS than to BJP. It is just Atalji and Advaniji, when at the helm, carried great statesmanship and visionary leadership, I associated with that elite. But now, BJP is just a party of goons, pretentious people and fake swamis. And there is one fundamental problem with these people. Congress guys, when they realised they were wrong about me, they atleast, permitted me to participate in the industry and win my bread. And I acknowledge that and I try to be of help to everyone. I make sure, I send out ten percent of my income for the needy and for the askance (I learnt this good principle from Islam). But I do not expect that magnanimity with my current manager. What he might be needing now, is not talent, is not workmanship, but I presume he wants yesmen around. I am not sure about this. Could not assert that statement. But there is a reasonable and non negligible probability.

And yesterday, he spoke with me, and my life, bloomed as a flower in the sunshine. I do not know when it is going to happen again. Not expecting it. Just dreaming it all the time.

And I am on the brink of my job. As soon as my loan of 90,000 is repaid, my idea is that my manager would find a reason or two, blackmail me to either marry a girl or fire me. Worse, he can even attribute terrible image to me. But that is improbable. Everyone knows me, my work and my skills. But just keep fingers crossed, and pray and hope that he would not do it.

I would not stop dreaming him. I would not stop loving him. I just cannot do that. I can take consequences. That means, I would loose my job, my home, my future employment prospects and worse, I might even stand to lose my access to internet. Then I would be in a prison (of sorts, ofcourse). But I would be happy, because, they could not stop me from dreaming him. They could not distance me from my love for him and they just could not win over the power of my life. It is just that I had an unprivileged start. So this Appollonian tragedy is not unprecedented. If I have the start, that for example, kind of the one, my manager has, then, I would have already proposed and married him. And they would all look at it as a great move. Just that I had this derelict start, spend through hungry nights and torn clothes, have to submit to the tragedy of being me.

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