Love Him

I love He. Words would not convey my affections and my afflications, that are part of this drama. My ex clients Put Him with a B, they want to reduce the intensity of my feelings, taking the cue from the association powers. Well, you do not teach Hannibal, the cannibal psychology. Despite of everything, they would do unto me, I will keep loving He. And I would be fighting very hard for some one like He in my life. For me, with a decent probability of achieving all I wanted to. I guess, this  too should be optimistic. However, if situations, do not permit me to meet He and marry him, I am fine. It is still fine. I love him very much. Fought for him very hard, a fought a whole fucking Neo-Nazi society all by myself. That is some achievement for a single human being, an individual. I guess I have rightly named myself Saintly.

Individual is the final. All the universe is for the individual. And I am for such an individual. Anyone trying to tamper my society, I shall put them to hell. And shall I unleash the wrath of righteousness on them. This stands true, for everyone, every ideology, every belief.

I have some plans to reach He. Normally I would not plan. But these guys are not a joke, they are as a matter of fact, very intelligent individuals in themselves, but when they form a collective, George Bernard Shaw was already right. Collectively man is very foolish. And also, they do not have any working strategy to create a Hindu nation. In a pluralistic context, it would be extremely tough to revert a country from a democratic setup to a Hindu Republican society.  It is not impossible. It would only take someone serious enough to come with a working strategy. And you know the truth about design. If you have not won your battle on the paper on design time, the probability that you will win it in real world is so close to zero.  They do not have such working strategy. However I have. I know what exactly needs to be done, to gather support not only from  a section of society but from all sections of society, and build a brave new world. All this would only happen, if I am with He. If this world resists me in reaching He, the world is going to commit suicide.

Many people whom I have helped, gave a sincere wish from the bottom of heart that you will attain what your are seeking.  I pray to God, that it be so. And I shall be working towards alchemizing my dreams. Convert a theoretical beautiful boyfriend a reality.

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No support

I have taken back my support for them. Now they are on their own and I would like to have nothing to do with them. the collectivists. I just want to find someone in my life, who can make me passionate and that is all I seek. And this set of collective is a pain the butt, not only mine, but also the society’s time’s and earth’s pain. Look at their demand for help and look at their attitude towards my feelings, but in contradictory contrasting mood, they would demand respect for their choices and preferences. They roughly told me, that, we will spoil your dream, and that you will help us, realise our dreams. I reject. My idea is to build a new world, a better world, for every individual. And such a world, would respect others dreams and cooperate with each other in a symbiotic fashion. These bastards lack that harmonious constructive spirit or team work. They are real examples of bad human templates.

Now it has reached this point, that, seems to be a stand off situation, where in, I tell them, the only way to reach their dreams, is to walk through my dreams. Though I do not want that. I love He, sincerely, and I would not do any such thing, that can potentially be traumatic to him. So I did not put it forth. And I will not do that. Someone in this world, in this universe, there might be a He for me, and it is only a matter of divine will and good will around me.

I am now a third side, I am no again alone, and I am on the anarchist path, that I have set foot upon and I am adrift at sea, cursed to stay at sea and return to land once in seven years. Once a month, I might get an opportunity to talk to him. To see him and to smell him. When I am around him, it is strange, meta physical and spiritual and homo sexual. Queer.

Now they are on their own, and the idea is that, they should not interfere in my life as I seek to find a lover for myself. but if they do, which they are going to, I worked with them, I know their psychology, I can read them like pulp fiction and they are the better brains of this nation. God save this country. And I have my own strategies, plans, and agendas, for I anticipated this situation very long time back. One of my ex clients, Neeta, was impressed by my attempts. And she asked me, why is that someone (me) not devoting themselves to the sole cause of the Hinduism. I replied her, on twitter, “All of us run from reality in some way or another. And it is only a matter of time, when you will find the answer for that question”. And this is what I mean.

I think of it as re engineering society to create a better world, a world without hunger, a world where life is valuable and the standards of living are upto a certain level of satisfaction. But the kind of world that my clients envision, is a constricted world. Absolute lack of freedom. It is very very evident when they asked me to sacrifice my dreams for their dreams. Any civilization that does that, is not a civilization. It is criminal cohort, a concentration camp.  Now Neeta Raina will understand the reality that has run away from them. And believe me, after six or seven years, all these guys, who are feeling high, they will be hung for war crimes. if they interfere with my life, then I am going to make sure, I will get them hung.

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Bad Mood Sad Mood

Today, the theme as always him. I feel very lonely, deserted, detesting everything normal, orthodox, traditional, became polemic and tiradical. And he knew that. That poses me more problem. I need him now, but he is straight, and I cannot even think of it. He is 20, I am 34, though it would not make me a criminal, he is still young at heart, mind and body. And I do not know, what emotional reactions will trigger in him, when he would become involved. My idea is to love him, but to hedge him off the dark reality that has beset upon us. He wanted some answers from me, said he would be coming. I told him to refrain from coming and encouraged communication using skype. When it is time to go, in my hung head in a gloom and doom swagger, he drew my attention and said that the problem was solved. I knew he would do it. He is one amongst the finest individuals I have ever met. And he is. I gave him a cold shoulder, then walked out of office into the dark night, light by a dim moon and twinkling stars. Alcor and Mizar, I never fail to watch them, as I dream about the knight and his dragon. And texted him a message, that effectively means to say, I mean I might be feeling down, but please do not get yourself involved in this. He has been more than a kind and warm friend to me, and that for me is all the wealth. And the compliments he bestowed on me. Let me tell you that he makes me feel complete and I am very very proud of it. The only sad part of this sad geezer story is that the geezer would never feel complete again.

And I am saintly, made out of mettle, I have wars, won some, lost some, but still a survivor and I love everything he does to me. Even the sadness that fills me in his absence is very very poignant and melodious to me.

And I get to hear him sometimes, it is all my music. And see him once or twice a day, that asserts me that hope is not to be lost, no matter how hopeless you get down, by keeping hope, you will always be rich in hope.

My phenomenological study of my queer behavior is getting interesting. I do not know if this is right or not. This is how I feel and this is how, I accept my chemical reactions. No woman, has ever given me so much of emotional evocations as he. No girl ever inspired me to write a decent poem and no girl in this world, has given me a heart attack. I just love him.

PS: When he drew my attention, he is with some ass hole, the one who irritates me. an evolutionary loser, being present there, with wrong set of people and wrong place and wrong time. He is there because, my ex clients think they are very smart. They want to cut down my emotional response  by increasing His association with that other guy. But they are fools. All these games, are so silly. I can just read them through and plan on them impromptu, game that will again can play them. Do not want to do it He. I love him, very dear to me. And I wanted to communicate this idea, that it is silly to play these stupid games, that we played when we were smoking weed.

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Culture Reengineering – Betterment of Human Condition

What is Culture?

For a rational mind, it is natural to seek precise definition of the terms and nomenclature, that form the manifold of the thought and experience.

A standard onine dctionary provides the basic notions that are implied by the word Culture:

Culture

noun

• the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.
• that which is excellent in the arts, manners, etc.
• a particular form or stage of civilization, as that of a certain nation or period: Greek culture
• development or improvement of the mind by education or training
• the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group: the youth culture; the drug culture
• the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group: the youth culture; the drug culture

Anthropology

• the sum total of ways of living built up by a group of human beings and transmitted from one generation to another.

Biology

• the cultivation of microorganisms, as bacteria, or of tissues, for scientific study, medicinal use, etc
• the product or growth resulting from such cultivation
• the act or practice of cultivating the soil; tillage
• the raising of plants or animals, especially with a view to their improvement
• the product or growth resulting from such cultivation

verb (used with object)

• to subject to culture; cultivate

Biology

• to grow (microorganisms, tissues, etc.) in or on a controlled or defined medium
• to introduce (living material) into a culture medium

From the perspective of a critical examination of culture, the definition for culture would be the logical starting point of the culture, and that definition should imply these essential notions that are presented above.

• Individual Qualities and the collective Qualities
• Growth, Improvement and Development
• Belief and value systems of the individual and the collective
• The collection of the artefacts, symbols, values, concepts and notions that are resultant of the culture and which in turn again reinforces the culture.

Necessity of the Culture Critic

The cultural artefacts are traditionally experienced rather than studied. Culture is the by product of a civilization, the effects of the intentional and extensional historic of the civilization. Yet, culture forms a vicious circle, culture tends to be the cause of the future effects. Culture has a deterministic role in the future of the civilization, the birth, growth, development and progress of the civilization are being controlled by culture. It becomes imperative for human beings to study culture appropriately, so that, we can judge (though from our limited experience and understanding), if the directions determined by culture is right or not.

Culture, the totatlity, of yesterdays, play a big part in the present. Civilization subjects the individual’s present to the culture, the totality of past, and thereby, individual is being chained to species own past. Culture would determine, where you will be educated, where and how will you be employed, it also dictates what you are going to breathe, eat and dream. And many a times, this dependence is unnecessary, devolving, detrimental and dangerous for the survival of the individual and the collective.

To make righteous choices and to build a better civilization, to carry the righteous notions of being and doing, it is imperative that we study the culture from a critical point of view, as the first step and then reengineer the culture. These two steps adds a feedback loop the culture system, thereby, making the system more intelligent. The power of sentience promotes us to become an architect of the future. Analytical thought, creative solutions, empowers humanity to play a an active role enables us to choose the directions of our evolution. And it would be for the first time in the history of evolution that an individual or a specie has taken an active part in evolving, a far better development, compared to the history of evolution, where in species and individuals are being subjected to the ‘tyrannical’ evolutionary forces. Probably this would be the first step in the evolution of the God or the emergence of the overman or the branching of homo sapiens evolving as a better species, is only what future can tell us. But the idea is simple.

Humanity has the necessary and the sufficient requriements to start playing an active role in the evolution, in choosing the directions to evolve. There is a necessity to inculcate, incorporate and internalize the notion of the righteous evolution, at all leves in the anthropologic specturm. Culture is the primary factor that program the individuals of a species it is imperative to reengineer culture so that we play an active role in evolution.

Culture as Symbols and Values:

Culture can be defined as the cummulated collection of the symbols, values, beliefs, and the resultant thought and material artifacts of a civilization. And the chronological ordering of such symbols and values, and how they changed over the course of time, can provide some insights to reengineer culture. A critical examination of these symbols, the questions of a curious and sane mind, would reveal us the the soul and the nature of culture.

Evolutionary perspective of Culture:

Cultural entities evolves very similar and parallel to the biologic life. Old symbols and values, discarded to the past, new symbols, values emerging and the cuture evolution shares the same bias that evolution favors. Symbols, ideas, notions, values, faiths that are favorable for evolution, are reinforced and those that are not favorable are inhibited. Thereby Culture evolution and biologic evolution form a closed loop, influencing each other.

Internalizing Evolution:

Growth, development, progress are natural and real – as real and natural as change. Evolution like time, seems to have a bias towards ‘growth’, ‘development’, ‘progress’. And for the first time in the natural history, a species has been presented with a power, that makes humans, the gods. At the least, the ancestors of Gods. For the first time, ithe invidual and species are permitted to participate in the cosmic design room. And this is a big turning in the evolution. All the factors that humanity is subjected to, need to be streamlined with this thought. Religion, culture, society, political systems, economic systems, value systems, belief systems, each and every aspect of the individual and the collective, need to be changed, to incorporate the ideas of playing an active role in the evolution. We can choose to change, or we can choose to let the nature take its own course, which in its natural flow, will bring the changes in all these systems.

A flatlander, would only be recognize the situation of reaching the same point as he starting from. It would be only upto his analytical mind to infer that the manifold, he is subejcted is not flat and that it is curved. We have now been given this opportunity, where in we have a certain idea of our existential manifold, and it is but natural to apply our knowledge, understanding and wisdom, in our day to day lives.

Culture Reengineering:

Civilization in the human context is diverse, numerous and dynamic. History reveals us, various civilizations, that existed and existing, and the interactions of these civilizations and cultures. And these interactions are not always, beneficial, symbiotic, cooperative, and harmonious. History also reveals us the suffering, war, death and destruction, when the cultural notions of these civilizations were in conflict.

In the modern world, and in the technological times, the borders between the civilizations are thinned down. And our condition permits us to promote symbiotic and harmonious interactions amongst civilizations and cultures. No more civilization is an island. We are not bound by the traditional constraints, that borded civilizations to their isolation. Information, people, matter, energy, resources, ideas, notions, symbols and values, travel freely across civilizations, more or less all around the planet.

We are in the Global Context:

The exponential growth of technology and science, the conception of a global civilization, can be seen emerging. No more are men bound to the borders that their ancestors drew in those yonder times, where communications happen through travelling messengers. The notions of a singular global civilization, the idea of a unified humanity and the notion of “human consciousness”, are here and are going to grow. And we need to reengineer the existing civilizational frameworks, like culture, to incorporate three basic premises, into the human subconscious mind. And there is a need to incorporate and code these ideals at the genetic level. So that the seond step of evolution starts, and the environment would be conditioned so as to promote the betterment of the indivudual and species. There is a need for spiritual reengineering of symbols and values, so that the new human being (human being 2.0) would carry the necessary and required spiritual acumen and the wisdoom, to handle the powers bestowd upon him. It is not appropriate to argue as to who provided these powers. Were they being created by a creator, or is it a probabilistic outcome, or is there any external phenomenon or other forces at work behind the curtains of the universe stage. It is pragmatic and pertinent to realize that humanity just reached the point, where humanity is presented with the power to participate in evolution in an active manner. And it is righteous to seize such a moment, adapt and enter the design rooms of the universe and be there. And it is righteous, egalitarian, humanistic and spiritual in the senses that the intentionality is the betterment of life, the quality of the human condition, at the level of an individual and at a collective species level.

It is imperative that Humanity has to have, one basic collection, to which each individual subscribe. The conception of a global civilization. The notion that I am part of the global civilzsation and that my participation and involvement is not limited by any local constraints, but be encompassing the globe, the planet. It is imperative to change the attitudes, conceptions, value systems to incorporate the three key notions:

1. Planetary/Global Civilization
2. Active Participation in Evolution.
3. Choosing the Direction to Evolve.

Without the change, the existing system, would always play a detrimental role with development. For growth and betterment of life and human condition, would always be in conflict with the tradition. Without these cultural notions, science would always be in conflict with religion, truth would always be facing traditional falses and facts shall always be in conflict with the superstitions.

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Queer Eugenics

Let me tell you a bit more about these flashy flashbacks. I tend to be epicurean. So I prefer to have some exotic meal, than a normal meal. I tend to associate with “better movies”, “better music”, “better books”, “better friends”. And I love this man, who is fair. I feel that he is beautiful. Now it is not acceptable to my society. They said it is racism. I argued that, I can only react to my chemicals. So they are hell bent on changing this value judgement of mine.

So by the side of He, they have kept a duffer named B, who happens to be very ugly, not only from the visual aspect of life, but also from the attitude point to life. Now they are making my life hell so that I can shift my attention and my emotions from He to  B. And I do not know let that happen. If I had some natural reactions to B, I would. But I am sorry that I did not have such reactions for B, and I have for He. And I cannot let injustice happen to me. And all this will be paid back to them, one day, in the very same coin.

I still love He. And I shall continue doing so.

Society id for the betterment of Individual. Every individual and I keep society so. And the personal choices of a person are his, and so as they do not perturb the harmony of the system and structure, they need to be respected. And this is a bottom line. For a society, that does not regard my tastes, and  spoil my happiness, I shall react to it, in the very same attitude. Wait and watch, you will see what will befall upon all of us.

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An Oath

I have a confession to make and I have some secrets to tell. My ex client bastards, they were living in hell and all they can only do is dreaming. I one day, jumped into it, braved everything and created a foundation for them, I did it for my passion. Someone whom I loved so much, someone who makes me feel complete, and someone with whom, I can feel human condition. Yes, he is a man and that is where, it is my bad luck.

Everything, that these bastards, stand on is laid down by me. And carrying all the love, I only asked them to let me dream, my dreams. I know that I am not fortunate to receive the commutative love. I just wanted to dream about him.

I have sex with just one girl. My girl friend and for one and half year. After that, I just love him, I do not seek paid sex, promiscuity, All I want is a warm moments, when I can spend a few minutes basking in the shadow of he, who makes me feel desperately passionate. And all I have done is for this. Now they have taken my support for granted. I do not want it to go like this. I can tell them, you give me what I want and I give you what you want. If God, has someone for me, then I will reach him. And if there is no such one, I pray to god for better luck next life. But they are criminally insane. They start persecutions, you know the darkest part of humanity, from which we all feel very thankful for being out of those times.

I do not want my society to fall back into that darkness. So I fought their persecution, and I have chosen to put an end to it. If I let them go, tomorrow they will be in power and they would employ similar tactics and processes. And also, I have sworn that, I shall only rest, when I make it into the hands of someone I love. Well it is not He, he is straight and probably is in love with a girl. There is someone else? I will search, seek, find and not yield. And I for the first time, have asked Lord God to help me.

I need him the most and my God knows that. God might have granted it But these priests they are a problem and all problems need to be addressed. And this be addressed too. I would not choose sides, I have asserted my side, a third side, or a fourth side. And I shall promise heaven on earth for who are with me. And I shall reach him, or die trying.

Now adays, I get a moment to see him. I can see him on facebook, send him messages ad be just friends. But that is a gift for me. And I do not want to bother him with anything. As far I know that, he is there. I am fine. Happiness to him, is happiness to me. Generally I do not believe in asking God for gifts, after my (spiritual) maturity, I remembering asking God only for the well being of each and every one. I am an individualistic anarchist and I seek my own justice and I seek to be my own law. But here in this case, I do not want to seek Justice. I just want my boy friend and I shall fight hard for him.

I love him, I love seeing him, I love talking to him, his words are music to me, his presence, graceful dance, and when he is around me, I feel so complete. And his beauty is all the universe’s beauty. I also do love, my condition, my desolation and my melancholy, makes me wiser and mature, and also I know that, by not bothering him, I am carrying, some (however small) ‘good love‘, If I love someone, I would do everything for his happiness and I shall do everything he wants. I bring more happiness unto him, by not bothering him. And more over, I spend all my time with him. Since a week, nothing matters me, world is going to tatters, injustice is upon the streets, burgling into a righteous persons property. All I have is dreams, my memories of him and the vain hope that I shall one day, be with the one I love. And I shall also make sure, I die trying.

Anything that deters me from my path, will only bring, destruction and death upon one and all. It is best suggested to leave me to my journey. But as you know, you can do whatever you want to do. Remember, the base on which your are standing, is laid by one. And if you bother me too much, I shall remove it from underneath you.

Do not fuck around with passionate people, specially, not you, who is sold out for dowry and with no individuality and character. And all this, I would be doing all alone. Now for me it is a ten year battle, all again, but this time, I will get my rewards. I shall reach him or die trying. Both are very revered destinies to me.

And not just that.  These bastards try to make fun of my love. I actually like it when people can laugh and it makes me proud that, I make people laugh, who in their moments of laughter, return back to innocence and feel the pure egalitarianism of being.

I have in my past ten years, fought a fcuking war, and I only asked them, to let me dream and seek my dreams. No. I cried every night, during those ten years, my pillows wet with tears. And now, I am more or less crying every moment. This is not the fate, I deserved but that has been subjected to. I shall always remind myself, when I find myself, in the darkness, that, no darkness shall every be able to chain me to darkness and that I shall walk towards light and feel its warmth one day. And now too. I shall walk through this hell, and God willing, I will be with him or I would be spending my eternity, dreaming him.

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Passion

From tomorrow, there is a single motto, a single aim. To seek lover in this world, who can ignite my passions, and make me feel complete. And nothing else matters to me. I need to live a day. I need to be warm. And I need you.

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Permit me to dream you

I should stop mentioning him in my journal. He has a girl friend, and in a pretty sincere relationship with her. He asked me not to mention. So will I not mention. And I have to replace him with a pronoun.

I would be a very bad person, if I just start dreaming about him, everyday, without his consent. I had to post my messages 15 times in facebook an 15 times in twitter, before it reached his consciousness. We had a long philosophical discussion, and he told me that I am very courageous, and carry guts. I agree, I would walk into the lion’s den and come out alive, every time I do that. What really makes me, is he. It was not because, i was courageous, it is because he is virtuous to let me come out.

From monday on, days for him, would not be the same. He would  never look up to me, as he used to look up to. And I would not try to be near him. But these actions and reactions are a part of my phenomenological studies in homosexuality, in such a sense, I , he are both subjects and objects. I do not know if he will come to office from monday, not sure. He said that he is open minded. Lets see. And life would not be same for me. Another mirage, another infraction and another heart attack, i move in this desert, thirsty for him. All I need is him (meaning someone like him). And I am fighter, I rather die, than give up.

I am okay. Not bad, not great. Where I go, I make sure that I add various values to the place, work, efficiency, leadership, spirituality, help, humor, I add colors to where I am. And every one who hired me was happy and prosperous in many ways. I am confident, that, there exists a man (like him; someone beautiful, intelligent, smart, handsome, sophisticated, suave). It is going to take a decade for me to realise this dream and I am not sure, if I live that long.

But I am not a man, born in comfortable cushy zones of life, and neither am a man, who did not see the bright and the dark of life. I been through every thing. Everything that I have been through, if it did not kill me, it made me wiser. I would never hesitate a moment, to cross the boundaries of the known and enter the unknown realms. I am the man, who makes light. And in a world, there is no god. I make god. I carry the mettle and fortitude to walk into the shadows of the night, without a remorse and regret and keep travelling till the end of the dark and into the morning.

This time, with my boy friend, in order to seek whom I love, who makes me passionate and makes me alive, I shall not retire till that moment, when I meet myself in his warm hug.

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Talking Terms

I am good in my dreams. As a matter of fact goes, it is the best thing that can happen to me. And I reinforce my dreaming, through my codeine abuse. I started to fail. My hands tremble like hell. I see tea cups slipping through my hands, many a times, too often. I started to observe these muscular spasms, muscles contract and expand upon receiving some electrical impulses from the brain, and you would not have any control over it. So my idea is clear and clean. I would like to hedge him from even an iota of trouble, that can befall upon him. It might not be that great, if you come to know that a fellow colleague, loves you in a desperate and sexual manner, I guess, I do not know. And my homosexuality begins with me, stays with me and ends with me. I do not subscribe to any of these collectivist organisations, ceaseless trying to change the world. Trying to change, how others will look at others, ironical, but true.

My greatest moments of this life, is He and on Lifeboat foundation, there is an S, who encourages and inspires me. And I am decently resourceful. Good at solving problems, defusing critical situations, disaster management, creative  out of the box approaches, so far, I  have been able to meet these situations. So any issue, if it gets complex, comes to me. And P has one today.

I do not want to make a prisoner out of him. I do not want to get this idea, in his mind, that A is a gay, and that I am A’s object of affection, and I am standing here next to A. So I asked him, to provide the brief of the problem, over skype. And informed him, that it is not necessary that you stand next to me, I will solve this and get back to you, with a solution. For a few seconds, he felt bad. And when I saw, I felt worse. So to make up for this faux-pas, I invited him, to a chair next to me.

I do not know, what he was saying, he was talking about open access markers not appearing in the citations list, or on the table of contents page or search page, or whatever. I sat next to him, mesmerized and beamed to heaven. I am in heaven, next to him, and what else do these mortal men call as an achievement. This moment, and the moment when S, replied about my article, these are my victories. These are my trophies.

His lips, carried some magic. Words, do not seem to sound. A vague nostalgic tune, started playing very faintly over the horizon. His eyes, that watched me, a brightly lit, and sparkled like well faceted diamonds. Something mystic, something spiritual and something sexual. I find, my completeness, then, there, being with him for a few minutes. And time, is but a cruel master. Those few minutes, end faster than the normal.

As the night falls, it is time, for me to slip into the cold darkness of these soulless shadows. And I do not know, when the sun will rise again. I do not know. I just know that I have just basked in the warmth of the hallowed love And these memories, will drive me through the thick and thin eternal darkness of his non-existence. And hope dream love and prayer always stays.

And my life is limited, probably days, weeks, months. My ex clients, are a bad lot. When we were hungry and down trodden, none of them, even talked to us, leave alone, help. But now that I have fought, brought some changes, and plan to bring in more changes, they call come to me, with an attitude that, it is being fundamental right and it is my fundamental duty to help them.

No. I told them. I told them, I would rather be dead, than do what you say. And that is the problem.    Humans, I have seen are actually a good lot. An average human being, has with him, a sense of right, wrong, good, bad, moral, ethic. Though situations and necessities drive him to do what he would judge as wrong, bad, sin, he knows that he is doing something bad. My ex clients, do not have this conscience (or carry very little conscience) on them. They do now want me to help others. If I do not help them, they are going to make my life hell. They will start their war on me, first they will remove me from my job. They will isolate me, from every connection, I can find in this world. And they will bring in some much of persecution and oppression. They do not even understand that, using such a technique in 21st century is the worst thing, that is going to happen, to them or to me or to anyone living. They would not hesitate a single second, to issue a death warrant. And I am going to be assassinated.

And I would not seek support from other sides. I just want to dream and continue my work with Lifeboat Foundation. Probably they will quarantine me, in my ancestral home, in a nondescript  village. At the very least, I would be having internet connection and a laptop. Then I need to really do some fight, for my survival, and yes, all these are mine. Yet, because of my ex clients, I will have to fight for them. I will have to fight, for the food, which is mine.

My victory is achieved. The moments day to day course with P, is much more than any sexual intercourse for me. It is complete, intellectual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual relationship. And the moments, I get replies from S, that is a victory. Comprehensive, Complete and Commemorative.

The consolation of homosexuality.

Compatriotic fellowship, we thwart your dreams, we make your life hell, but you will aid us, in realizing our dream, in building a great civilization. I do not want to build this civilization. A civilization, where, by any reason, an individual has been denied, his right to dream, his right to love and his prerogative to seek love and happiness, is not a civilization, but a concentration camp, a concentration camp for all great virtues like individuality, enterprise, endeavor, betterment of humanity, growth in the evolutionary sense and holistic development.

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Let me Dream your Dream

I need a muse, to start the fire in my heart going. Then it really does not matter. I will be safe and comfortable in my dreams. And what I asked of them is to leave me to my dreams. Right now, I have a muse at my office, yeah, P. And my idea of interaction with him, is very limited. I have taken his interview, not bad at analytic, not bad at intelligence, and not good at attitude and an average aptitude. He got a spark in the eye and the charm on the lips. So he is here. I have spoken to him, a few times, but my case is known to one and all. And he knew that I have this sorts of inclination and he knew that he is the perfect realisation of my dreams.

No one has done that to me, even an act, of few minutes of love. He played that role and for the few days, I was elated. It was way back a decade before that, I was actually happy and I found that life is warm, bright and beautiful. And when my heart attacks happened. I know, it is more or less my end. I find nothing in this universe, that would stimulate me or motivate me to do something or anything, and a proper boyfriend is all that I wanted from this universe. And then, I also came to know that I am atleast not acting and I know, no girl has inspired me to write a poem. He did.

Thank you He. God bless you. I would do anything for you, for the few days of life you have given me. This poem is for you, I asked if we can talk sometime, I have something to say, this is what I wanted to say. It would be great if you read this. In all probability, I would never talking to you again.

With someone like  He with me, I am unstoppable. There would only be a few forces in this universe, that can stand up to me. That is my redemption. And my redemption is not in my hands. It is there in the hands of P or some one like him. All they have to do is, make a difference, choose to make a difference and create history with me.

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